when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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