ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
