There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
