Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
