the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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