Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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