is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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