In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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