Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
