I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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