I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
