I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
