I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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