So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
