Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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