Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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