OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
