I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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