I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
