guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
