Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
