i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
