You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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