Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
