I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
