sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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