just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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