Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
