I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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