dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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