I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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