Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
