Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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