Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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