the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
