I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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