be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
