Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
