My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
