you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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