Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
