So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
