I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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