I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
