You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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