Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
