using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
