the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
