Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
