you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
