I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
