We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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