I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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